As I Cry In The Rain
by Ao Sekai
Summary: Squall's POV at the Chapter 5 of Niqsta's Amber Lights wherein he went to Timber only to find out that he's too late


Title: As I Cry in the Rain

Disclaimers: Well first of all I don't own the following : Squall Leonhart and it's characters and places, Final Fantasy VIII game itself. They belong to Square Enix. And those italic paragraphs came from the lyrics of the song "Crying in the rain " by Orient Pearl. Search it on Youtube please. A very good song for the broken hearted.

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**Author's Notes**: I would like to thank **Niqsta **for allowing me to use your stories as my reference to create my own. This ones for you but if you think that this one really messed up your story, well I humbly apologize. To **Ashbear, **thank you for inspiring me to write. I really admired your stories and I don't feel tired on reading them. You are always replying to me every comments I made or write on your post on your facebook account. To both of you, you know what? I very very envious to your writing skills.

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**Amber Lights Summary at present : Two people are making hasty decisions. Rinoa left him without any reason. Squall waited for four months to make his move only to find out that she finally moved on eventhough they are still married. His wife filed a divorce six months later. **

**This one-shot is all about Squall's thoughts or maybe regrets after what had transpired in chapter five of that story wherein he went to Timber. Well it's all up to you guys if you consider this as an umm...a filler chapter or a sequel to chapter six.**

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_You tell me I'm sorry__  
__That's all you can say__  
__You left with no reason__  
__Inspite of the pain__  
__Now I know I've lost you__  
__Forever__  
_

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Screeeeeeeeech... "Hey! watch where you're going. If you wanna commit suicide, don't make me involved. Just hang yourself at somewhere else."My body feels so heavy. I didn't care where my feet leads me. I want to be alone. Stay away from this place. Darn it! You'd always make hasty decisions , always whine and then you'd always said " I'ts your fault" That is always your game. and then you were always apologizing or repent whenver you want. And I'm really sick and tired of it. Next day you've decided to leave and say goodbye. Hell, why do I care? That's your gimmick. Four months has passed , four freaking months, I didn't expect that... I totally lost you, FOREVER. Yet why does my heart is so persistent?

_The hurt of rejection is hurting inside__  
__And now that I'm broken__  
__I've got nothing to hide__  
__And now I'm just waiting__  
__For the sun to shine__  
_

When I was looking for Ellone's new address and was stumble upon your's, I should not wrote it there was a ticket and train for Timber I wish I should not go there hoping that I don't see anything in there. But my conscience keeps nagging me so I have to come. To take a chance and take you home with me to sort things out. I'm willing to swallow my pride if that's what you want. But coming there, that was my biggest mistake. I was so wrong on doing that. I've felt something that crushed my heart.

_Cause I cry in the rain__  
__And you're the reason__  
__Then I cry in the rain__  
__And it's your fault__  
__I stand but I fall__  
__Can't get up so I crawl__  
__Cause I cry in the rain_

And then I sat down to wooden bench behind the pub when it started to rain on that evening . That's when I finally started to cry and clenching my fist. I tried not to but I couldn't hide my tears anymore. I dared to move but I couldn't . Still remembering all those unforgetable moments from the first time we met , night in balcony, when we became newly weds, jumping from the edge of dreams and our arguments. I tried to drink to forget tough but I didnt. Coz no matter how many shots I took the situation still the same. Now my heart is broken and its all because of you.

_You took me for granted for all that I am__  
__Made me feel like I'm nothing__  
__How much more can I stand__  
__And now I'm still waiting__  
__For the sun to shine_

All those times you're gone, those sleepless night. Are you ok? Are you worried about me too? Did you even talked about me when you talked to our friends? But now I am nothing to you. You've finally found someone to take my place. Why is there someone like you that now doesn't belong to me?Why are all those nights doesn't belong to us?All those pain I've felt inside, can I passed it on to somebody else? Do I have the right?

_Don't love me don't love me_

I should'nt fell in love with you in a first place because... it hurts. And I was right. In the end you're own. But...don't worry I'll try to be fine without you. I dont wanna go back from yesterday. I will do my best because everything about us now ends tonight. After cries and sobs, I felt so good, relaxed and finally I was able to stand up.

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Everyone, this is my first ever fanfic. Although it seems out of order or messy, please don't be harsh towards me. I'm just having fun. Thanks


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